Friday, February 22, 2008

I have no words.

I can't talk. I have a thought, I try to speak that thought and all the wrong words come out. I feel like everything I say sounds like Charlie Brown's mom...whaa, waa, waaah, blahh, blahh. I don't make any sense. I know that I'm not making any sense, but words keep coming out of my mouth. I think my Doctor took my brain out along with Luke during my c-section. I'm a MESS!

Gabe, Luke and I all got sick on Tuesday and I was CERTAIN that we all had the Flu, that Luke had RSV and that meant the whole family had cancer. I was a basket case. I couldn't sleep Tuesday night because my brain was powered up on high and wouldn't stop spinning. I made an appointment with the boys Doctor the next day...not for them...for me...so he could tell me to chill. He did. Thank goodness. We all just have a cold, even little Luke, poor thing is congested and has to get his nose sucked out every couple hours with that little squeezy thing, which he HATES - and who wouldn't hate that??? Can't blame the poor little peanut for screaming his head off every time I invade his face space.

Thursday, while Sam and Gabe were at school I had big plans to do some errand running with Luke. I got up early, got ready, got my receipts for the returns I had to make, got the boys out the door and safely into their classes by 9:45. I stayed a little bit to catch up with a friend and then I was going to hit the stores. By the time I left the school, it was 10:15 and Luke had to eat at 10:30. The school is literally across the street from my neighborhood, so I just went home to feel Luke, THEN I was going to go run my errands. By 10:30, I was trying to decide if I should really run those errands, or if I should just take a nap, Luke would surely go back to sleep after he ate and I could sleep for 2 hours. But then I would have to save all my errands for Saturday when Neal was home, I have an eye appointment on Saturday, so I would be gone extra long from the house and Neal would have to give Luke a bottle and I'd probably have to pump in the car. Plus, Gabe got invited to a birthday party and I can't do ALL of that on Saturday. I got so overwhelmed I just sat there, in my chair, after Luke finished eating, just sat there. Finally, sleep won out and I made myself get into my warm bed. There is nothing better than curling up for a good nap on a cold, cold winter day when you are exhausted. I was happy with my decision, painful as it was to make...

Guess who woke up 30 minutes into my nap?

I waste so much time trying to figure out what my next move is because my brain is no where to be found! I miss it so. I wonder if it comes back after your third baby? Or do you think it's gone for good? Will I ever be able to have a conversation with someone again and make sense? I can't even understand what I'm saying, I feel sorry for those of you who are on the receiving end!

5 comments:

Jaime said...

You have no idea how happy I am to read this. I have had this EXACT conversation with my friends here, and totally know what you mean. I feel like I need to take some speech classes to talk like a grown up again. I'm hoping that this "mommy syndrome" will end when the kids return my brain some day :o)

Audrey said...

This too shall pass.
Audrey
Mother of four
Including an 8 week old

Carrie said...

You are so normal. I still feel loopy.

Nicole said...

Don't worry...most all of us are speaking your language right now anyway! :)

Laura said...

I laughed so hard reading this! Oh, so true....and I love the part where you sat in the chair thinking about what to do next and when you could do it later...

You just spoke so many things that are so true! Love it!