I have no words.

I can't talk. I have a thought, I try to speak that thought and all the wrong words come out. I feel like everything I say sounds like Charlie Brown's mom...whaa, waa, waaah, blahh, blahh. I don't make any sense. I know that I'm not making any sense, but words keep coming out of my mouth. I think my Doctor took my brain out along with Luke during my c-section. I'm a MESS!

Gabe, Luke and I all got sick on Tuesday and I was CERTAIN that we all had the Flu, that Luke had RSV and that meant the whole family had cancer. I was a basket case. I couldn't sleep Tuesday night because my brain was powered up on high and wouldn't stop spinning. I made an appointment with the boys Doctor the next day...not for them...for me...so he could tell me to chill. He did. Thank goodness. We all just have a cold, even little Luke, poor thing is congested and has to get his nose sucked out every couple hours with that little squeezy thing, which he HATES - and who wouldn't hate that??? Can't blame the poor little peanut for screaming his head off every time I invade his face space.

Thursday, while Sam and Gabe were at school I had big plans to do some errand running with Luke. I got up early, got ready, got my receipts for the returns I had to make, got the boys out the door and safely into their classes by 9:45. I stayed a little bit to catch up with a friend and then I was going to hit the stores. By the time I left the school, it was 10:15 and Luke had to eat at 10:30. The school is literally across the street from my neighborhood, so I just went home to feel Luke, THEN I was going to go run my errands. By 10:30, I was trying to decide if I should really run those errands, or if I should just take a nap, Luke would surely go back to sleep after he ate and I could sleep for 2 hours. But then I would have to save all my errands for Saturday when Neal was home, I have an eye appointment on Saturday, so I would be gone extra long from the house and Neal would have to give Luke a bottle and I'd probably have to pump in the car. Plus, Gabe got invited to a birthday party and I can't do ALL of that on Saturday. I got so overwhelmed I just sat there, in my chair, after Luke finished eating, just sat there. Finally, sleep won out and I made myself get into my warm bed. There is nothing better than curling up for a good nap on a cold, cold winter day when you are exhausted. I was happy with my decision, painful as it was to make...

Guess who woke up 30 minutes into my nap?

I waste so much time trying to figure out what my next move is because my brain is no where to be found! I miss it so. I wonder if it comes back after your third baby? Or do you think it's gone for good? Will I ever be able to have a conversation with someone again and make sense? I can't even understand what I'm saying, I feel sorry for those of you who are on the receiving end!